WHY?
By Jim Davis

“Just because.” I hated that answer. When I was little I was one of those kids people call a “why child.” I wanted to know “why” anytime I didn’t understand something. I wanted to know “why” anytime the answer was no. I even wanted to know “why” sometimes when the answer was yes – but I usually had sense enough not to ask then.

The thing that really got to me most was when the grownup, usually my mama or daddy, would give the universal answer, “Because I said so,” or “Just because.” To me that was no answer at all. I swore that when I had kids of my own I would NEVER use that answer. You’re probably thinking, “Famous last words.” But, although you’re technically right, I did manage to keep it to a minimum.

I remember one time when I was sorely tempted, though. My son Ralph was not only a “why child,” he was also a “how child.” It seemed that he wanted to know everything, and I was supposed to have all the answers. This particular time his question was something equivalent to “how does a television work” – obviously a bit more than the average eight year old can handle. It was bedtime, and I was about to cave in and use one of my other all-time hated responses – “You’re too young to understand.” Then I had a little inspiration. Instead, I reminded him of how he learned to read in stages, learning the letters first, then words, then sentences. Then I just told him that before he could understand what he wanted me to explain, there were some other things he had to learn first. That satisfied him.

I think that my experiences as a parent were better training than any leadership course I ever had. Particularly when it came to handling disagreements and arguments. Trying to really answer my kids’ questions and trying to be fair when I had to make an unpopular decision helped a lot with difficult workplace situations, too. Ralph and I still like to talk about some of those times. There’s one particular incident that stands out in our memories.

This time, he was about 15. He wanted to do something that his mom and I thought was totally inappropriate for a 15 year old. He and I had discussed it at length, but were getting nowhere. I was close to using the “because I say so” answer, but again had a last minute inspiration. Instead, I just explained “why” I was making the decision. I admitted that he might be right, but that I was responsible for his safety and well-being. And because of that, I felt I had to say “no.” I told him I knew he wouldn’t like my decision, but asked him to just try to look at things from my perspective. He agreed to do that.

A really interesting thing about that little conflict we had is that neither of us can remember what we had disagreed about or what happened next. But we both remember that discussion. He even plans to use the same approach someday with his son. I guess just knowing that helps make up for all the times I didn’t get it right.