HOW TO INSULT SOMEONE WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT 
By Jim Davis

Not too long after my wife and I got married (back in the late ’60s) she and her mother-in-law wound up in a standoff conflict. You say, “So what – that happens all the time.” Well, the difference this time was that neither of them even knew that this particular conflict existed. It had nothing to do with their personalities. It had nothing to do with their likes and dislikes. It had nothing to do with me. In fact, none of us was even aware of what had really happened until sometime later.

The problem was simply that my wife spoke “East Tennessean” while my mom spoke “South Georgian.” Actually, it probably wouldn’t have mattered where else my mother was from in this particular case, though. This was a case of the “care to” conundrum.

If you are a non-East Tennessee native, you probably have run into this, too. You see, in East Tennessee, if you say “I don’t care to do that,” it means “I don’t mind to do that.” Anywhere else in the English-speaking world that I know of (or in South Georgia where I grew up) it means “I don’t want to do that.”

Picture this. We are newlyweds, visiting my folks. Jane is trying to be on her best behavior. My mom is cooking lunch, and Jane is trying to be helpful. So, she politely asks, “Is there anything I can do to help?” Mom answers, “Well, if you would set the table that would be a big help.” Then (here it comes) Jane replies, “I wouldn’t care to do that at all.” The atmosphere suddenly got a bit stale, but Jane didn’t have a clue as to why. The fact that she set the table quickly, efficiently, and well still didn’t make up for the “rudeness” of her response. Rudeness she was totally unaware of, of course.

There are lots of ways that differences between areas of the country, or even between countries for that matter, can bring about conflicts that are basically just due to total misunderstandings.

For example, there’s the story about how Buzz Aldrin, the second man to set foot on the moon, severely insulted half of the world but had no idea he had done anything offensive. I didn’t get to see it, but the story goes like this. Col. Aldrin was apparently so elated at the success of the lunar landing that he wanted to share his feelings with the world. He knew that a live television camera was trained on him and Neil Armstrong, so he turned and gave a “salute” to the world. Not a military salute, of course. Instead, he gave one that we commonly use when things go perfectly. He formed a circle with his thumb and forefinger, spreading his other fingers and held up the “All Right!!!” sign for the world to see.

Unfortunately, in many parts of the world (apparently including Russia) what he did was sort of like making the single-finger gesture used here to “flip someone off.”  Considering that the United States had just won the race to the moon, it’s easy to see how our enemies would respond. A problem of major proportions could have developed if the right people hadn’t stepped in quickly and smoothed things over.

It’s amazing how easy it can be to get into a conflict situation like this. After it’s all over it can be hilarious, but while it is happening it’s usually not a bit funny. The best thing to do most of the time is to just try to learn from our mistakes and help others learn from them, too.