YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET ANGRY (TO HAVE CONFLICT)
By Jim Davis

Most of the time when we think of conflict between people, we think of people who are angry with one another. In fact, some of the experts on conflict claim that you can’t have conflict without anger. I don’t agree. It’s not unusual for people to have a conflict with one another and be totally friendly about it. It happens all the time.

For example, when’s the last time you and a friend (or your spouse) were going out to eat and one of you asked the other, “Where do you want to go, today?” Then the other one naturally said, “I don’t care. You decide.” It even gets better when there are several people involved, and everyone wants someone else to make the decision. And when someone finally does make a suggestion, no one else wants to do that 

It reminds me of the famous Yogi Berra story about a group of New York Yankees baseball players trying to decide what restaurant to go to. Someone suggested a popular restaurant and Yogi piped up, “Nah, nobody goes there anymore – it’s too crowded.” It can be funny or it can get downright aggravating, but eventually someone will come up with a suggestion that works -- if only to keep from using the whole lunch hour deciding.

This kind of thing stops being fun and becomes a problem, however, when it happens over and over. Especially when it involves something more serious than where to eat or what movie to see. Or when it impacts family life.

Kids experience this problem a lot with their parents. Who doesn’t remember asking Mom for permission to do something and being asked, “What did your dad say?” Then going to Dad to get the “endless cycle” going when he asked, “What did Mom say?” Of course, kids learn fast, and they soon learn how to manipulate Mom and Dad into answering the way they want them to – unless Mom and Dad beat them to the punch and present a united front.

Smart parents know that the lessons kids learn from these situations help mold the way they will work with others as they grow up. They know that kids need to see that Mom and Dad know how to work together. Even when they don’t agree with each other. When kids are able to watch their parents work out their differences without getting angry, and particularly when they get to work with their parents to make decisions that affect them and the family, the benefits will be a lot greater than just finding the best place to eat lunch.